wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
