yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
