Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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