It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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