I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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