Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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