just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
