maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
