There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
