shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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