Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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