You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
