I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
