either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
