3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
