Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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