In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
