...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
