My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
