i don't like sucking hair
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
