she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
