Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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