I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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