I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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