who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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