i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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