Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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