I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
