My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
