Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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