I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
