She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
