Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
