just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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