I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
