can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
