Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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