she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
