Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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