I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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