I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
