so that wasnt chicken after all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You've changed since you got that strap on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
