I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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