I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
