remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
