To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
