Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
