when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
