okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it penis luge time yet?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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