Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
